PUMPKIN SPICE PUPPY.
1. Iced Coffee Pet Costume, $18.99:
Kristin: WHO’S AN ADORABLE SEASONAL SUGAR BOMB?! YOU AREE! IT’S YOUUUUU! I’m gonna misspell my name right on your butt.
2. Octopus Dog Halloween Costume, $69.99:
Kristin: This dog already knows I’m gonna call him OCTO-PUPPY all night, so he pre-emptively pooped in my shoe.
Chrissy: That is the cutest octopus puke I’ve ever seen.
3. Dora the Explorer Dog Costume, $14.99:
Kristin: This dog doesn’t realize it, but the more upset he looks in this costume, the more I realize how much I need it.
Chrissy: Dora the Explorer? Looks more like Dora Is Regretting Wearing This Tiny-Ass Backpack Because She Didn’t Pack Enough Snacks To Sustain Her For An Entire Night Alone In The Woods Now That She’s Lost Without Wi-Fi.
4. Snooki Jersey Shore Dog Costume, $39.99:
Kristin: One set of human boobs for my dog, please!
Chrissy: If a poof is on a dog is it called a “woof?”
5. Donut and Coffee Pet Costume, $17.99:
Chrissy: *whispers* This dog got tricked into dressing up as a table for Halloween.
Kristin: OMG WHO IS A SILLY BOY wearing coffee as a hat, he is so great, let’s nominate him for an Oscar.
6. Pity The Fool Dog Costume, $34.99:
Chrissy: If this was at the gym, I might actually start going.
Kristin: I just made this dog head of my security detail.
7. UPS Costume For Pets, $16.90:
Chrissy: *puts on silk robe, waits by door all day for package delivery*
Kristin: The MAIL MAN HUNTER HAS BECOME THE MAIL MAN HUNTED also tiny hat.
8. Carry Pumpkin On Back Costume, $14.25:
Chrissy: How embarrassing! I’d never wear the same pants as my boyfriend in public.
Kristin: This costume is in loving memory of all the couples who have broken up immediately after trying to move a large piece of furniture together.
9. Pet Silver Screen Starlet Halloween Costume, $14.41:
Chrissy: If we’re going to torture dogs this much, at least finish the look with a bold red lip.
Kristin: Please don’t talk about my prom date like that.
10. Udderly Adorable Dog Costume, $14.99:
Chrissy: Is no one worried about the proportions of this cow? Half of his body is a butt.
Kristin: I don’t know why this cow inexplicably has two heads but what a beautiful and majestic creature please immediately put him on a stamp or make him attorney general, whatever.
11. Triceratops Dog Costume, $10.59:
Chrissy: Guys, guys, guys, you gotta update your costume references. It’s been, like, 68 million years.
Kristin: Welcome… to JURASSIC BARK. ::sings theme song while weeping::
12. Pinata Halloween Costume For Dogs, $39.99:
Kristin: ATTENTION PARTY PEOPLE: HE IS NOT FULL OF CANDY, ONLY LOVE, WHICH CAN ONLY BE ACCESSED THROUGH PLENTIFUL RUBS AND SCRITCHEM-SCRATCHEMS please do not hit him with any bats thank you.
Chrissy: “I’m fun at parties.”
13. Biker Dude Dog Costume, $55:
Chrissy: The lesson here: cargo shorts are so bad that even a dog won’t be photographed in ‘em.
Kristin: Ah, cargo shorts with a hole cut in the back for poop to come out, just as God intended.
14. Killer Whale Dog Costume, $28:
Chrissy: God, Willy, we know that you’re free now. WE GET IT.
Kristin: OH NO he looks scared of his own costume IT’S OK PUPPY, YOU ARE THE KILLER WHALE NOW and my own heart will be your steady diet of fish.
15. Wolly Mammoth Dog Costume, $34.99:
Chrissy: When they didn’t have a dinosaur costume in your size.
Kristin: This dog has extincted me, I am extinct.
16. Cowboy Dog Rider Costume, $13.96:
Kristin: I’ve never been so jealous of a little felt man in my entire life.
Chrissy: Please don’t tell me there have been corgi rodeos happening without me.